It can feel like there’s a never-ending list of things that aren’t going well. International wars, children dying, disease, and the helpless feeling you can’t do anything about it.
This is magnified by feeling hopeless in your own home. You’re on the seemingly never-ending hamster wheel of appointments, therapies, and questioning if any of this is actually helping your child.
If you feel like you are in survival mode, completely worn out, and struggling to enjoy being with your children, you might be suffering from parental burnout. You’re not alone. Some research suggests 8% of parents are feeling burnt out. There isn’t anything concrete about how high that number is for parents of neurodivergent kids.
While this adrenaline-fueled way of keeping up might be helpful now, it’s not sustainable. Burnout can be seen in the brain, and when your brain stays overreactive for too long, your body will stop doing the things you want it to do.
Noticing and treating burnout signs early will mean you can continue to care for your family and yourself.
What Is Burnout?
Constantly feel bombarded with stress? Burnout, according to the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, is a result of chronic exposure to emotionally draining environments, leading to “emotional exhaustion, depersonalization and a decrease in self-fulfillment.” It’s a result of chronic exposure to emotionally draining environments leading to “emotional exhaustion, depersonalization and a decrease in self-fulfillment.”
In other words, constant, chronic stress that makes us feel depleted.
What results in burnout for one person won’t necessarily result in burnout for another. What made you overwhelmed last year might be easy for you to deal with now.
Symptoms of Burnout For Moms
Burnout is never one-size-fits-all, but if you have numerous signs that you’re burnt out, you probably are. Take just a few moments to honestly ask yourself if you’re experiencing any of these symptoms. If you are, it might be time to focus on self-care.
✓ You’re completely worn out
You’ve said you just can’t take it anymore and feel extremely fatigued, overwhelmed, and depleted. You don’t see an end to juggling the responsibilities of caregiving, managing appointments, therapies, and advocating for your child’s needs, and that feels suffocating. You might be fed up and fantasize about being able to quit.
✓ You’re detached from day-to-day life
You’re going through the motions but don’t feel mentally there. You might find it difficult to show your child affection or love and have decreased patience and understanding, leading to more disagreements. Whatever the opposite of living in the moment is, that’s where you are.
✓ You can’t emotionally connect
You know you love your children and your partner but can’t feel it. The stress and fatigue can lead to increased arguments, reduced intimacy, or detachment in your relationship with your spouse or partner. You might notice everyone is on edge at your home or sibling fights increase.
✓ You can’t relax
When you have a moment for yourself, you don’t know what to do because you’re so exhausted and depleted. If you go on vacation or have a spa day, you come back feeling just as or more exhausted than before.
✓ You’re feeling incompetent and guilty
Everything you do feels like you’re making the situation worse. You’re continually “failing” your plans, doing the bare minimum, and losing it in front of the kids. You keep asking yourself, Am I a bad mother? You wonder if you’re doing enough. You feel ashamed that you’re not the parent you used to be and punish yourself for any mistakes you make.
✓ You’re lonely
Parents, especially parents with neurodivergent kids, can feel excluded from the rest of society. It’s difficult to find time to socialize with peers or have fun when you have so much to do and you can barely do the things that need to be done. You might feel completely alone in the world.
✓ You have unexplained physical symptoms
It’s not uncommon to have an increase in headaches, illness, and general feelings of being unwell when you’re emotionally drained. You might even get a rash or digestive issues. Your body often knows you’re burnt out before you do.
✓ You have sleep problems
Whether it’s fatigue or insomnia, a New York Times survey shows that sleep problems are symptoms of burnout. Sometimes you can experience both. If you need more and more caffeine to get through the day, want to take a nap constantly, or lie awake at night, struggling to sleep, you might be burnt out.
✓ You feel helpless
You might notice some of these symptoms, but you’ve resigned yourself to them. You might think, this is just the way I am now. Or, you might say to yourself, everyone feels this way.
Note: Your experience of burnout and its causes is unique to you and your brain, which means caring for it needs to be individualized.
Healing Burnout
Whatever you’re feeling is not a flaw or a weakness. It is a symptom of a brain chemical imbalance, proven by neuroscience.
Humans can handle a crazy amount of stress if they have enough resources to counteract it. Burnout happens when the ratio of stress to self-care is skewed.
Get the Burnout Guide to find ways to take care of yourself so you can handle the stress no matter what it is.